Soul and Loss

I haven't posted in a while.

September 12th to be exact.

Mom mother passed on September 20th.

It was a shock, even though the day before; the last time that I saw, her she looked like she was dying.

Nobody else at the hospital told us that. She was to be moved to a rehab facility that very day, they were just waiting for the dr. to sign off.
I remember thinking, 'seriously- rehab? she can't even eat by herself and is not communicating clearly"

Still, I thought that they knew best.

I came home that day, very shaken up. When I was in with her, I had looked out her window in the hospital room, overlooking beautiful downtown Camden, and began to cry silent tears, not wanting her to know how upset I was at her sudden decline.
 
I heard a voice in my head, saying " let her go" and then the word "peacefully" over and over again. I didn't want to believe it, but the feeling and the words were all encompassing and very loving.
That's how I knew she was dying.

My brother and sisters and I were planning to spend the entire day with her at the hospital the next day.

That morning, when the phone rang at 7:25am, I knew.

My brother told me that the hospital had just called. My mother passed that morning at 7:13am, a nurse holding her hand. The nurse told my brother "she gently slipped away." Then she added, "She went very peacefully."

My soul is quite bruised right now. The past few weeks have seemed a blur.

I wrote the eulogy for my mother's Catholic service. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to muster the courage - that I would cry without saying what I intended to say.
But I managed it. I must be stronger than I thought.

I find myself wandering around the house, picking things up, and then putting them down; not really sure what I was supposed to be doing in the first place.

I feel orphaned, abandoned, and at the same time aware that I'm now truly a grown up.

And I guess that means that I have to grow up.

It just hurts, is all.

To do, is to be...

For a large part of my adult life, I have belonged to various gyms.
 
I have joined ladies only gyms, muscle head gyms and franchise-type gyms.

Remember Nautilus?

Working as a personal trainer, I spent time in other peoples' home gyms, mostly set up in a finished basement.

I don't have a basement in my rancher, but I finally figured out that other than a walkway to the back deck and pool, our sunroom has gone largely unused, so it is now officially my home gym.
Nothing fancy, as you can see.
A decent treadmill, adjustable weight bench sitting some matting squares and free weights.
That's it.

You can belong to the most expensive gym, you can buy the chicest workout clothes, you can shop at fancy organic themed grocery stores.

But if you don't actually use the gym, wear the clothes or prepare and eat the decent foods, you're not kidding anyone but yourself.

My husband's favorite quote is "To do, is to be" which basically means that what you do is who you are - not what you talk about but never actually get around to doing.

The first part of the Soul's Path to Weight Loss is the intention.
You set the intention with an idea or goal.
Let's say your initial intention is to release some weight and increase your energy levels.

What then will be your course of action?
 
Start walking 20 minutes a day 3 days a week? Switch from regular soda to diet? Increase your whole grain intake?

These are all very moderate, reasonable intentions that can lead you to make better choices throughout each day.

So, you are probably asking yourself, how is this different than any other diet or exercise program that I've tried and "failed" so many times before?

Up next....

The power of words.

Peppers for the Soul

I love peppers.
My soul loves peppers.

And I really love the fact that peppers are so packed with vitamins and so low in calories and carbs.

Last night, as I rooted through my fridge, looking for dinner parts, I suddenly remembered the remaining long hots that I had purchased at my friendly neighborhood Produce Junction for the weekend BBQ.
If you don't reside in South Jersey, you may not know of the Produce Junction phenomenon. Bags of vegetables and fruits for a dollar or two - I'm not kidding. We're not talking weird, deformed stuff either. If you can name a pepper, PJ's has it. Jalapeno, poblano, anaheim, hungarian, red, green, thai hot, long hot, cherry hot, sacks of dried chilies.
Grape tomtaoes, cherry tomatoes, plum tomatoes, beefsteaks. Red onion, white onion, spanish onion, vidalia onion, green onion and shallots.
Basil, cilantro, chive, fresh rosemary, mint, thyme, oregano, sage, dill.
Mango, papaya, avacodo, ugli fruit, six types of apples and three types of pears.
It goes on, and on.
Again, all for between $1.00 and $3.00 per 1 to 2 lb bag. 

So, last night, as I foraged and rooted, I came up with a recipe of leftovers that pleased my mind, body and my soul.

Long Hots stuffed with leftover ricotta cheese mixture. I added homemade toasted low carb hamburger roll breadcrumbs, parmesan cheese, egg and a little garlic, stuffed the six peppers, and then wrapped them with a small package of proscuitto from Trader Joes.
Drizzled with olive oil, and then popped in a 375 degree oven for 20 minutes.

Along side I made a rather sad caprese salad - only because I lacked fresh basil, and my roasted red peppers were a little past their due date.

A few leaves of chopped romaine tossed with ( leftover) homemade caesar dressing and topped with 4 or 5 whole wheat croutons ( Wegman's brand --hooray!) and there ya go-

Low carb, not neccessarily low calories, but still.....

And, by the way, I only ate about half of that plate, then finished the evening with a sugar free pudding - yee-haw!!

Soul-satisfying.

Happy End- of- Summer Holiday!

Visiting family from out of town whom I haven't seen in 2 years.
Parties and BBQ's
.
My husband's "last hoorah" before his travelling working season begins.

These are all reasons why my Labor Day weekend was quite a blowout.

Do I feel guilty for overindulging in food and drink?

Not a darn bit.

Life is meant to be enjoyed, and what better way then laughing, eating and hanging with family and friends.

My soul knows that. It also knows that tomorrow, I will spend more time on the treadmill and extra time pounding the weights.

My husband's closest childhood friend is coming into town Tuesday ( tomorrow) to be a runner at the Wednesday night NFL game that my husband will be shooting as a cinematographer.

This friend has had his share of life threatening illnesses that would make even the most seasoned doctors' hair stand on end. As I write this, he just arrived in N.Y to attend the US open - with the blessings of his wife and kids who are home in Pittsburhg, Pa.
It's something he has always wanted to do - so he's doing it.
After almost dying on the operating table more than once, he has learned that life on this earth can be fleeting, and means to grab it by the balls and squeeze as much juice as he can from it.
 
Sorry for any painful visual graphics - about the balls, not the dying, silly.

This man is one of my heroes, and I intend to cook him a wonderful meal, and make him feel very welcome and special for the 24 hours he'll be in our home.

I just jotted down my dinner menu ( subject to change, of course) and it includes brussel sprouts with bacon and raisins, chicken saltimbocca, grilled brushcetta, and a caprese salad.

Rather than make a low carb, low calorie dinner, my plan is to make some yummy dishes, and eat a little from each one.

Hope you have all enjoyed your holiday weekend as much as I have.

I look foward to the fall, it's the time of renewal for me.
I love ordering my firewood and cozying up with books and comfort foods.

So, here's to another summer come and gone.

And here's to new beginnings.

Sushi for the Soul

Ten years ago, I lost over 30 lbs by following a low carb diet.

Atkins was way too strict for me, but I had read some of Suzanne Somers "Somersize" books, and was happily suprised to find her recipes easy and delicious, and the photos of the food were gorgeous.

But it also involved seperating even "good"carbs from proteins, and this time around in my challenge to release some excess weight, I want to eat what I want and when I want, and instead of mentally stamping my foot like a 4 year old, I'm feeling more like, well, an adult.

I'm going to eat until I'm honestly satisfied.

Up unitl now, I had been eating and drinking like I'm a passenger on a luxery cruise line - and acting like the ship is going down.

Since stating my intentions, my adult soul-self has already begun to make better food choices and eat smaller portions.

 

   And today, my adult soul-self wanted sushi.

In particular, I was craving some tasty rolls, filled with spicy tuna, avocado, salmon, shrimp and asparugus. I ordered the 3 roll lunch special that came with miso soup and a tiny gingered salad.

I ate some of evrything and then let my husband finish off the rest of my meal after I had my fill.( he was happy to oblige)

When I was through eating, I felt happy, and most importantly, satisfied. Not bloated -or deprived.

 

This is what the Soul Path to Weightloss is all about for me.

 

And I didn't even scrape the rice off the sushi.

 

Keeping up with your thoughts

Just finished eating a grilled cheese and tomato on low carb bread - it was just what I wanted, and yes it was fried in the pan with a little butter.
Started the morning with a quick walk around the block, a glass of trader joe's "super green drink" and some watermelon.
Waiting for my dear friend to come over and give me a much needed massage ( we barter sessions, how convenient is that?) and then it's off to play a round of golf with my husband.
I'm just learning how to play, so I pretty much stink, but the focused concentration keeps me grounded and I allow myself to have fun while I practice on improving my game.

On the course, I steer clear of defeating thoughts. Feeling embarrassed or frustrated while engaging in a very challenging game only serves to defeat my efforts.

My soul says to relax, give it your best, and most of all, enjoy the beautiful greens and warm weather, and appreciate what is right before you.

Hope you are all enjoying the day as well.

Think yourself thinner

An interesting thing has happened since I set my intention on releasing 15 lbs.

I'm not thinking about food all of the time, and I'm not putting anything in my mouth within reach. Anything, that is, which is either salty, crunchy or cheesy ( or better yet, all three).

Here are a few important techniques you can incorporate right now into your own weight release program:

1) Visualize.
First thing when I wake up, I picture how I want to feel and look today. I imagine myself getting on the treadmill, and instead of groaning, I picture the afterwards and how good I'm going to feel, how satisfied I will be with my sweet ol' self.

2) Check in with your soul several times a day.
I'll give you some ideas of how to do just that in the near future, but right now I'm saying this:

Stop wherever you are right now.
Take a deep breath and be still for a moment.
Ask yourself, what is the best thing for me to do right now?
Wait for the answer.

If a voice in your head says, "what are you talking about, you moron, this whole thing is ridiculous?" then I can pretty much guarantee that is your ego talking, not your divine self.
( more on the ego later)

3) Watch your words
One of the first things a hypnotist in trainining learns is the power of words. We stay away from negatives and encourage positives. Even in smoking cessation sessions, I eliminate words like don't and can't, as in "don't want to smoke" and subsitute  "allow yourself to be smoke free"
See the difference? In one you are commanding, in the other you are giving yourself permission. What happens when we order ourselves or others to do something?
There is an immediate though of rebellion. "Don't tell me what to do!"

Let's compare these two thought forms-

You wake up and say to yourself,
"I can't believe you ate all that cake last night, while hiding under the covers with a flashlight! What is wrong with you? Now, get your fat ass up and get on the treadmill, loser!"

or....

"Okay, today is a new day!. I'm going to go on the treadmill, listen to some great music and feel great afterwards." Then, visualize yourself, sweaty and moving, then showering, then the feeling itself of more energy and satisfaction afterwards.
This only takes a moment or two and will motivate you to do what your soul knows is best for you.

Of course, you are going to personalize this routine. If you walk around the block, go to the gym, or even if you get yourself moving later in the day. Take a minute, a breath and be still.
Wait for that wise soul self to come forth and guide you with kind words of encouragement.

And yes, it will come....

Welcome

Welcome to the 3 month weight loss challenge!

As a hypnotist and former personal trainer, I know a few things about weight loss.
As a 51 year old woman with foot issues and an ongoing love affair with food, I also know a few things about weight gain.

Sigh.

Okay, enough of the pity party, let's get down to business:

Here's the Challenge-

Name: Barb Angelo
Occupation: Professional Hypnotist
Current Weight:182- ouch (even my husband doesn't know that number - I don't exactly lie about my weight, I'm just in total denial. Yes, there is a difference)
Intention: To release 15 lbs in 3 months time.

So, what makes this challenge any different from the scads of diet and exercise programs out there?

Well, first of all, thank you for that question.
Here's what makes this challenge so different-

I will not be following a diet.
You heard correctly.
I will not be obsessively counting calories, carbs or fat content. Food will not be measured, weighed or bought from any diet center. I will be eating real food and you can bet your buns it won't be lean cuisine.

I will be eating according to my soul.

Huh? What does that mean, you ask?

Well, thank you, another great question from the slightly chubby lady in the back!

I will be following my soul's guidance.

Intrigued yet?

I hope so, because it would be nice to have some support from complete strangers.

Before we start, I'll give you a quick rundown of who I am and what I'm all about-

As I stated before, I'm a professional hypnotist, and was an American Council on Exercise certifed Personal Trainer. I say was, because I gave it up several years ago. It bored the heck out of me, and I also grew weary of getting up at 5:30am for 10 bucks an hour.


I have alot of experience working with the soul - mine and others as well. In my hypnosis practice and the workshops I teach, I  guide people to connect with their Higher Self, or what I will refer to as, "The Soul".
I specialize in past life regression therapy and while under hypnosis, I've observed my clients tapping into a higher power that resides within them and knows all about their past, present and even their future.
This higher power is not a seperate entity, but the essence who they really are- their God self.

Now, don't get nervous here. I am not a witchy woo-woo kind of gal, and I'm not a preachy, holier than thou type either - honest. I'm not here to sway you into any way of thinking.

I've watched many people over the years struggle with not only weight issues, but loneliness, depression, anger and a feelings of being disconnected.
When they are able to access that higher guidance, wonderful things happens. They don't feel so alone anymore. They feel calmer, more loving and filled with purpose.

And then I thought that if the soul can help us to view our past lives, can help us to heal our thoughts, emotions and even our physical body, then why can't the soul help us lose weight?

I feel my soul is like a wonderful, wise, loving teacher of higher intentions that thinks the sun rises and sets on my forehead.
I'm going to eat and move throughout the day according to how my soul guides me.
If I'm feeling stuck or unsure, I'll simply ask, "what would my soul say?"
Kind of like those Jesus bumper stickers, you know, WWJD?

My blogs will include affirmations, self hypnosis tips, and ways to help you access your own higher guidance - your soul.

Stay tuned.....